Losing

And then it dawned on me that you can be the stupidest person on this earth.

Well, I won’t talk much but I will let you know that I am going through one of the shitiest times of my life. And I just realized that I am one of the stupidest people to exist. I know some people must have done all sorts of stuff but my misery seems pretty big to me right now and that’s just the case.

Anyway, it is funny how I am finding myself overwhelmed with so much to deal with. I always thought of myself as someone who could go through stuff and face it and deal with it and I have done that. Maybe, I was wrong.

Last Sunday I hit the lowest point in my life (not even kidding). I mentioned this to someone in a subtle way that they can think that I hit the rock bottom and now I have to crawl out of it. I dug myself a pretty fucking big shithole. The biggest one so far and it sucks. It absolutely sucks and there are times, several times in a day when I just want to give up hope and surrender.

The days are long and tiring and I am close to losing it. The previous four entries in the journal are on similar lines:

Recovery
Starved
Long sleep
The day of the _

Anyway, I don’t know how things will look like tomorrow or in the next hour. The hope is hard to come by.

And talking about me being stupid. Well, that’s another story and not a nice one.